GET LOST, AND FIND YOURSELF

I was so busy looking for my thing that I have spent half of my life wondering what the 'thingy' is. I have always wanted to feel proud of myself no matter what I am doing in the moment, which comprises literally everything. If I am passionate in stripping, I would be loud to tell my friends that I am a stripper, a well-qualified one and shrug off all the disapproval and judgement because people talk all the time. I will not be ashamed of anything about myself. This is what I am looking for. To be able to get rid of insecurities, and to be genuinely contented. I wanted to tell myself that it is fine when things do not make sense. Nobody has a say on my life. Times when I forced myself to fit in, to be normal because the norm could not welcome my raw self, I wanted so much to do anything so I could come to my senses. To tell myself that all I need is just the internal embracement.

Started to work on the fifth day of Lunar New Year sounded economical. It was supposed to be refreshing....right? You know in Chinese there is a saying which goes like:"Shortly parted couple are better than fresh married lovebirds. " I interpreted this as when you take a little break from work,people or whatever in life, it will actually makes everything look lovelier when you are back. And in my entire life I have always agreed on this saying. I strongly believe that human's feelings got numb over time but it were not faded. So I supposed this is applicable to my job as well. But it did not turn out to be what I have expected. Because I could not explain where was this instant weariness came from the second I took in the sight of my desk. It was not that bad. Everything was being too normal. The sight of piles of invoices that nearly filled up all the spaces I have got did not surprise me, not even a little. What took me off guard was the sudden emotions that ru...