Second day of 2016 : Just me and my exam issue

I just can’t bring myself to do that, to study. I mean really committed into studying, the desire to seek for knowledge, to discover what’s behind that cover is not from within my heart, is the fear for knowing nothing during exam. I felt alienated when I talked to my peers, it felt like we were so different, like every single of them actually knowing what they are getting themselves into. I didn’t see panic in their eyes. I tried to search for it, but there’s none, which took me to this realization that I am the only one lost in this unknown. Well maybe not all of them, but I am far more worse. I thought I looked like a mess, which I did. Even when I am writing this I question myself, why am I even doing this in the middle of preparation for the next paper while everyone is out there studying their brains off, getting themselves ready and armed. Every time I felt so lost to the point I thought I was going to drown and hit the bottom of the sea, which I am always so keen to find out. Search for something my soul called upon, a place which I belong to. Have you ever felt  so much emotions rushed into you all in once simultaneously until your brain suddenly stop functioning but you just couldn’t figure out what’s going on and even the aftertaste was blank, like you just went through a panic attack, but to be frank, what just happened didn’t feel bad. Like I was nearly brought to somewhere where the answer lies. I’ve let myself exposed to every unfamiliar emotions that came from nowhere which I never reject.